Writing wedding vows can be tricky, even when you know exactly how much you love your partner. One person already has three pages. The other is staring at a blank document and a cursor that’s now blinking rather reproachfully.
Where do you start? With a memory, a small everyday gesture, and something you want to promise the other person. Below, three writing prompts and practical tips will help you get started.
How do you start writing vows?
If one person prepares a whole story and the other has just three sentences in mind, that can create unnecessary tension. Not because either approach is wrong, but because you might have different expectations.
Therefore, discuss the following in advance:
- Do we both want to exchange personal vows, and does that feel right for both of us?
- What is the approximate total speaking time?
- What should we keep just between us?
- How much humor feels appropriate, and what should we definitely avoid using as a joke?
- Who will help us if we get stuck or momentarily lose our words during the ceremony?
You don't have to share the content, just the outlines. That makes it easier for everyone to create something of their own, without it turning into a pop quiz.
Start with a memory, not with a catchy opening line
Typing “Dear…” can suddenly feel like you have to write an entire novel.
So don't start by writing. Start by gathering information.
When did you feel like your partner really saw you? What does that person do on an ordinary Tuesday that makes your life better? What quirk of theirs would you miss, even if you roll your eyes at it every now and then?
Write down individual words. Or record a voice message. You don't have to organize your thoughts neatly first to figure out what you want to say.
It could be about a difficult time. But it could just as easily be about a cup of coffee that always shows up at exactly the right moment. Love doesn't have to sound spectacular to be profound.
Writing Vows: Three Prompts for Your First Draft
Choose one memory, and then finish these sentences:
- “I feel loved by you when…” Describe something specific. A gesture, a moment, a small habit.
- “What I want to continue to cherish in our relationship is…” Think about your sense of humor, curiosity, honesty, or the way you give each other space.
- “That’s why I promise you…” Choose something you really want to focus on. A promise that still holds meaning even on a chaotic Tuesday.
These are writing prompts, not text you have to copy word for word. Use words you would actually say yourself. “I want to keep listening, even when I think I already know your answer” might feel more genuine than a sentence about eternal galaxies.
Unless you guys talk about eternal galaxies all the time at home. In that case, by all means, go ahead.
A promise doesn't have to be an impossible guarantee
“I’ll never let you down” sounds like a big promise. But it also implies something that a person can’t always live up to.
You can also promise how you want to handle difficult moments, that you want to revisit the conversation, that you want to keep making space for each other, and that you don’t want to just assume you still know the other person, but want to stay curious.
It's not about predicting a perfect future. It's about the direction you choose together.
Differences in style should be allowed to persist
Maybe one person writes with humor and another is very direct. Maybe one person shares a single memory, while another sticks to a few clear promises.
That difference doesn't need to be fixed. After all, you didn't fall in love with two identical people.
So don’t compare how many lines you each have. See if the agreed-upon format feels right for both of you. And if speaking in front of guests really isn’t an option, you can also exchange personal words in private. Discuss with your officiant what format is possible in addition to any required legal elements.
Read it out loud. Really out loud.
A sentence can be beautiful on paper but sound as if someone else wrote it when you say it out loud.
So read your text aloud slowly. Where do you stumble? Where do you need to take a breath? Which word would you never use at the kitchen table?
Cross out anything that doesn't feel right to you. Print the text legibly, with space between the lines. Talk to your officiant about who will keep a backup copy and what will happen if you want to take a break.
You don't have to know your vows by heart. And you don't have to force the words out through a lump in your throat. It's okay to pause for a moment of silence.
Would you like help turning scattered thoughts into words that truly sound like you? As a a wedding officiant and ceremony speaker, I can also help you write your vows.
Not to make you sound the same. But so I can hear both of you. 💙
